"And so he whispers to you, his hot breath dancing on your ear, and suddenly you’re back to freshman year; before everything was complicated, when he whispered like that and you didn’t question his sincerity or his motives. Just the way his words tickle your lobe, it flashes you back to the nights you cried yourself to sleep, because goddamnit how hard is it to answer a text? You remember his multiple apologies, meaningless, you try to remember the last time you two didn’t have tension, before the innuendo was 100% of your conversation; you know when you actually talked about things. You desperately search, what was life like before the tall dark haired blue eyed boy came crashing into your life, and you cannot remember because the intoxicating way he loved you has erased any memory you had before the fateful august day when he shook your hand and told you his name"
- Tall Dark and Blue Eyed


"Would you go through that whole year again? If you had the choice, the chance, would you repeat everything with him again?"

She took a moment to think about it and wondered if she actually would have the heart to do it again. To love him and then let him walk out of her life. “Yes, I would.”

"Everything? All the pain?"

She sighed and moved up in her seat, “He - we -… He hurt me a lot, that’s true. I’d go home most days wanting to melt into my bed and never get up and cry my eyes out because he did so much to inflict pain on me. But the thing is, I don’t think he knew he had that effect on me.”

"But with all the pain you’ve had to bear, knowing you’d have to go through that again, why would you?"

"Because I loved him," she said simply, sadly looking at the floor. "The bad memories… I wouldn’t have the good ones without the bad ones."

"He wasn’t worth you," he fought back.

"It didn’t matter. He made me feel like everything was okay. I’d miss him every night. I’d jump whenever he texted me first. He made me laugh with his stupid jokes when they weren’t even funny. I put him so high in the sky, he wouldn’t come back down to me."

She shifted and fumbled with her shirt with her thumb. “I tried hating him. I was so tired of letting him get to me like that. At a certain point, I did. I hated his guts. I wanted to spit in his face every time I’d see him. But then during lunch, he’d make me laugh over something as stupid as him dropping his food and we’d be okay then. It was a cycle that wouldn’t stop. So eventually, I stopped trying anything, and just let it happen.”

"Are you over him now?"

"I like to think I am," she whispered, "but there are days I miss him. If I see one of his friends, my chest tightens. If he’s online, I smile because I know he wasn’t just my imagination. When I see his sister in the hallway, I get jealous because she knows him in ways I won’t ever. But… I think if he came back, I’d be able to stay away long enough for me not to start shaking every time he came around anymore.

He grabbed her hand softly, and looked at her in ways the boy she had loved for the past year never did, “Don’t let him hurt you again.”

"I would go through it again," she repeated. "It doesn’t matter how much it hurt the first time. I’d do it a thousand times just to be close to him again. Just to be able to smell him again, be able to hug him, watch him laugh so hard the table vibrates."

"Fuck him," he snapped, his eyes growing dark.

"Yeah," she laughed softly, lacing their fingers. "Fuck him. Because you’re here and he’s not. And that’s all that really matters now."

One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.
It’s never quiet when you’re with him
Even in the dead of night,or the silence of the morning
Chatter fills your head,
Things you want to say to him, but can’t
Things you two dreamed of, but never lived
Things that he used to whisper, that still echo in the boisterous wind
You try to silence it,
Fill the air with meaningless talk,
The weather,
Current events,
But you find your mind drifting,
The way his eyes shine when he grins,
Or when he mimicked what you did to get you mad at him,
Or how he held your hand and pulled you along,
Your thoughts drift back,
To the moment when everything went wrong
I swear I’m not sad
I will forget your name someday. I will realize it on the floor in the middle of my apartment, sorting through old photographs that you are not in, thinking of all the people I’ve known. I will remember the long time it took to get you out of my heart, but I will struggle in trying to remember your name until I give up. And that will reach you somewhere across the world and will pang in your chest, and you will know. You will know that I’ve forgotten, and my name will still be ringing in your ears.
Kayla Kathawa - I will not go quietly.  (via ninakathawa)
It’s the way he throws his head back laughing, when you talk of old memories
It’s the way his eyes sparkle, when he talks of his dogs and his life at home
It’s the nature of his voice, when he teases you about little things
It’s him
His smile
His laugh
The way he breathes
Something so magical
So untouchable
That you’re too afraid to break it
So you don’t venture near his spark
You cut off the conversation
Push yourself away
Before he throws his head back laughing
And ruins your whole day.